Inside Stories
Personal stories by and about our Old Friends and Volunteers
- A Simple Thank You
- Living to be 120 Years Old, by Dorothy, 86
- My Friend the Rocket Man by Volunteer Julia Brudlos-Nussbaum
- Rochelle – A Chronicle and Tribute by Isabel, 84
- Art Class Not Just for Rembrandts by Maria, 82
- Book Club Story: Making Friends by Andre, 78
- Have Gumption, Will Travel by Robin, 76
- See What I Mean??? By Dorothy, 85
- Little Brothers & Casa Juan Diego Make Christmas Cheer Ageless by Kelly Matlock, freelance writer
A Simple Thank You
It all began with a simple thank you note. A friendship which formed between two women spanned between two generations.
Anna was introduced to Little Brothers-Friends of the Elderly at a career fair while she was attending Loyola University. She read the job description for the program assistant position, and it said that all you have to be is a friend. Anna thought she could definitely do that.
Marilyn had just settled in Chicago after an extensive trip across the U.S. by Greyhound bus. It was a trip that she had planned since she was a little girl growing up in southern Illinois. Marilyn had been referred to LBFE by a woman at the senior living complex where she resides.
Marilyn and Anna met at a LBFE party. Anna was Marilyn’s chauffer to and from the luncheon. But, it was what happened after the luncheon that had such a profound effect on the relationship. Marilyn sent Anna a thank you note expressing her gratitude for the time that Anna spent with her that day. Anna was touched by the thoughtfulness behind Marilyn’s card, because not many elders do that sort of thing. It meant a lot to her to know that Marilyn thought she was a special person.
“Everyone was new to me at Little Brothers,” said Marilyn. “I could see that Anna was a great person who had love in her heart. She spent the time because she wanted to.”
When Anna and Marilyn get together they like to talk about everyday events. They often talk about Marilyn’s travels and her job with Brink’s Incorporated, where she was employed until she retired at age 71. Anna shares her goal of becoming an artist in the near future.
“Her stories are so funny, I just love it,” said Anna. “So many seniors are just in need of friends. So many elders are just lonely.”
“Not enough young people want to work with seniors. Being old doesn’t mean you have to stop. All we (seniors) need is a little thank you,” said Marilyn.
Living to be 120 Years Old
by Dorothy, 86
Last year I met a young man named Paul who lives in my building and was studying to be a doctor. He asked me if I would help him to pass a very important exam he had to take, one that showed how he reacted toward his patients.
I agreed, and spent about ten hours with him over a few days, pretending to be a young woman with a painful back, and then complaining like an elderly man with gout...It brought out the actress in me.
When we had finished, Paul offered to take me to his favorite Chinese restaurant, warning me that we had to go early because the oil they use in cooking is fresh then, but gets used over and over again as the day progresses. Paul, a vegetarian, urged me to eat a lot of fruit and vegetables, which I already do. "Eat grapes every day," he said. "They're good for you." Then we went grocery shopping. He had to get his weekly supply of papaya. He also picked up fresh sweet corn and sweet potatoes, which he can prepare easily in his microwave oven.
Another stop we made was at a health food store, where he encouraged me to purchase some enzymes. I've been using them ever since, having gotten my doctor's approval.
When I told Paul that I expect to live to be 100, because of all the books I want to read, he suggested that I should aim for 120 or even 150. He's been giving me all sorts of advice on how I can do this, but I'm not following all of his suggestions. After all, I'm a person of the 20th century, and am not so eager to be pulled into the 21st. Besides, he never answers me when I ask him, "Where are you going to be when I'm 120?"
My Friend the Rocket Man
by Julia Brudlos-Nussbaum
Rocky
I am a volunteer with Little Brothers – Friends of the Elderly. They’ve been around since 1946 and coincidentally, so have I.
Before I found them I had volunteered all over the place from museums to politics to parks – but nothing clicked. There was always something missing…something not satisfying. Then a young actor/poet I knew who knew me even better, told me about his job at LBFE – and how he felt really good about it and that he was changed by it in some way that turned out to be a truly fine way.
So I got my self fingerprinted and oriented and a week later I found myself on the way to pick up Rocky and take him to a birthday lunch. I didn’t know much about him except that he lived alone on Harlem Avenue and was blind and 85 years old and was recently diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. I thought: “Holy hell, what could be worse?” I mentally prepared myself for a long afternoon of being chipper and upbeat and cheerful and whatever else one does in a terribly sad situation like this one was shaping up to be.
It turned out I was wrong. He was chipper and upbeat and cheerful and funny with a great laugh and a great line of patter, and for a guy of small stature, an enormous appetite…and not just for food.
The room was big and light and cheerful with real table cloths and china and silver and fresh flowers and balloons tied to all the chairs. No paper plates or plastic forks in sight. It had the festive air of a private party at a good restaurant. There were nearly a hundred of us.
The kitchen was hopping with volunteers who were cooking and serving and dancing up a storm because that day the entertainment was this crazy, wonderful Russian keyboard player and singer named “Nicko.” Wildly enthusiastic, he performed every cabaret classic as if it were the first time and he was really good. His accent, however, was something else. “New York, New York” came out: “Stard spredden’ da noose.”
Rocky and I laughed, and I cut up his meat for him and it wasn’t at all awkward.
Then Nicko spotted Rocky and broke into “Georgia on my Mind” – Rocky’s favorite, and he sang along and everyone joined in. I looked around the room and saw blacks and Hispanics and whites and young and old all rocking and rolling and having a terrific time. A young black volunteer was dancing with a fragile, beautiful white woman in a wheel chair. He spun her around on one wheel, and they were having a ball. I got tears in my eyes because I was genuinely moved and it had been a very long time since that had happened to me.
Rocket Man – as I now refer to Rocky – and I are in the ongoing process of becoming friends.
Early on I tried to book him up for every weekend. He said, firmly: “Let’s not overdo it.” It made me laugh because he’d already spotted me as a world class boundary jumper.
What is he like? He looks a bit like Fred Astaire with moxie. And he moves gracefully in his own environment. His eyes are expressive and can flash anger and joy. He says of his disability that it is really more of “an ongoing frustration.” He claims to have: “twenty-twenty feet.” He never dwells on a negative. He keeps an immaculate house which he looks after himself…often at night while you and I are sleeping; he’s boiling water and washing the floors. Try doing that with your eyes closed.
Harlem is a frightening street – noisy, fast, and truck glutted. It’s impossible for Rocket Man to maneuver on his own. He is quite literally trapped without a volunteer to walk with him. He has three counting me. He can whistle mourning doves down from the trees and do dead-on imitations of old radio stars. He spontaneously bursts into song when the mood takes him, and he’s unfailingly polite. He is never boring.
We look forward to our walks. We stroll in the small neighborhoods of Chicago with their bungalows and nice old trees. We’re at that stage where we’re comfortable together and don’t mind the silences. The hardest part is when I say goodbye and he always asks: “Are the lights off?” I get this little catch in my throat…
And then I hear him say: “Let’s not overdo it.”
Rochelle - A Chronicle and Tribute
by Isabel, 84
T'was Saturday -- a bright clear day,
Fifteen of us seniors made ready to go all the way
Sponsored by Little Brothers at 355 N. Ashland Street
To go to Rochelle, Illinois for a week-long retreat.
With lovely Christine as leader, we then got set
Excited anxious campers eager to forget
All daily worries, aches, frustrations and pains,
Volunteers will try to ease with smiles, loving care and games.
Christine called a brief meeting to inform us what's in store
The agenda she planned with daily activities galore:
Healthy meals, shopping sprees, concert, casino and talent show
Arts and crafts, July 4th festivities, videos, photo session and bingo to follow.
Early July 4th became a busy make-up session.
The dining room was turned into a beauty shop/salon.
Volunteers became beauticians, hair stylists and manicurists,
While aging faces and hands were pampered to look their very best.
A high tea was held on the sunny front porch
Festooned with tiny lights, flags and Japanese lanterns as torch.
Tables adorned and set while guests came all beautifully dressed
To partake of éclairs, delicious cookies---goodies of the very best.
Each day's goings-on were made quite flexible,
Alternative plans were always available.
Many thought casino at Iowa was a ride much too far,
So a scenic riverboat ride on Rock River took them there by car.
The greatest joy I sense in all
Are the friendships and warmth, great and small,
Get-togethers of kindred souls abound
All geared to the goal of spreading joy around.
So without much ado from grateful hearts we say
"Muchas gracias, Merci, Thank you."
Yes, thanks for each lovely memory,
As we finish up amid great anticipation
Our next year's eagerly awaited fun-filled vacation!
Art Class Not Just For Rembrandts
by Maria, 82
Florence & Maria, Art Club amigas
When I landed at the doorstep of the art studio, I asked myself: “What can I do? I’ve admired art work. But I’m not an artist.” When I saw all of the art supplies, I was in a panic. There were so many things that I didn’t know where to begin. I thought I only needed one pencil and a brush, and I could paint a Rembrandt. Soon I realized that was impossible. Little by little, I’m learning.
The art studio is marvelous because I’ve met wonderful people whom I now consider friends. It’s not only working on art but going to galleries and movies and sharing a beautiful lunch with new friends that makes it so much fun.
When the weather is gloomy and depressing, and I sit alone in my house, I find my brush and paints and begin to look at the sky. Soon I’m transported to a beautiful world of colors through painting. I create a world from my own life. I can express my thoughts and feelings without words.
Thank you, Heather, for starting the Art Club. Thank you, my new friends.
Book Club Story: Making Friends
by Andre, 78
As told to Kevin Cassidy
Oscar & Andre, Book Club buddies
The Book Club is more than just reading books. It’s also a way to come together with others. There are about 15 of us in the Club. We meet one Saturday a month. We discuss the book we’ve just read and have some snacks. A couple of times a year we go out for a movie and lunch. Usually, it’s a movie about a book we’ve read. We also have a Christmas party. But mostly we read and talk about books.
The best thing about the Club is it’s a way to get out at least once a month. I used to be in the entertainment business. People were always around. Now, when I just sit, I get very lonely. So, the Book Club is a blessing because besides Little Brothers luncheons and parties, it’s the only time I go out. I’ve met folks I wouldn’t have met. If you’d like to join us, we’d be glad to have you.
Have Gumption, Will Travel
by Robin, 76
Robin, hundreds of miles away and loving it
Where in the world have you always wanted to go? Just go! My experience can be yours.
Years ago, when Alaska was a Never Never land, I promised myself one day I’d go there. Then, this past summer, an ad for a 10 day cruise beckoned. I called the travel agency to verify the offer and to ask about accessible cabins and arrangements. I was assured it was all “can do”. Then, I looked up at my partner and asked: “Do you want to go to Alaska?” He raised his eyebrows. “How do you think you’re going to do that?” he asked. I didn’t think there were ways NOT to do it. Sure, I’m a 75 year old woman, in a wheelchair, with MS, prone to seizures. But it never occurred to me that I could not make this trip. Although there were things to plan for or around, such as making arrangements for my shepherd Sinatra, we did those early and easily. Six months later, I’m still looking through 10 dozen photos and I’m still at sea every morning over my first mug of Alaskan coffee.
...It took me 40 years to get past the denial syndrome of disability and expecting to be 39 again. But I realized I can still do nearly anything I want. And so can you.
We took a paddle wheel trip and panned for gold. We traveled in Denali National Park and saw North America’s highest mountain, Mount McKinley. We saw whales and dolphins, caribou and bears, mountain sheep (the ones with the curled horns) and bald eagles. We enjoyed room service and sitting on the balcony watching the glaciers float by.
Many of my friends have said “Alaska? We’ve been there,” as though we were late to the party. But they didn’t have the concerns of someone older or disabled. So, it took me 40 years to get past the denial syndrome of disability and expecting to be 39 again. But I realized I can still do nearly anything I want. And so can you.
A major attitude change is accepting your inability to do things you always had been able to do. Accepting help is a difficult phase of both disability and growing old. But when the crew offered to carry me and my wheelchair down four flights of aluminum stairs so I could go ashore at one of the ports of call, I put aside my pride and said “yes!” I’ve learned the world provides plentiful resources and welcomes us, not just to the table, but to the feast. Enjoy everything! There’s more to come. My answer when asked if the glass is half empty or half full: Fill it up again! Give me more!
See What I Mean???
by Dorothy, 85
Dorothy, astonished
Many people are leery about having their cataracts removed because they remember when their parents or other relatives had the operation 30 or 40 years ago. It was a difficult procedure then. Now, you can have the operation in the morning and be home by the afternoon.
A year ago, I had the cataract surgery on my right eye. I was instructed to wear no make-up, no nail polish and no jewelry. I was also told to have nothing to eat or drink after midnight the day of my operation. But I could take my blood pressure medication with a tiny amount of water.
When I arrived at the surgery center that morning, I changed into hospital attire and had eye drops administered many times. There was blood pressure testing, temperature taking and an IV doohickey on my left arm. A marker was attached over my right eye, the one to be operated on.
The anesthesiologist told me I would not be put to sleep. I would be able to hear what was happening. I walked into the operating room and was situated on the table.
The operation seemed like a long time, but there was never any pain. I was a little dizzy as I got up, so they put me in a wheel chair and gave me some apple juice. After resting, I got dressed and was given dark plastic glasses to wear outside, a bag containing eye drops and a plastic patch to wear while sleeping. Then, my friend from Little Brothers drove me home.
That very night I noticed the amazing improvement in my eyesight. When I looked outside, the street lights looked so much brighter! In my apartment, where I have books piled everywhere, I could read their titles six feet away. And the television faces of the news reporters seemed like they were really in my living room! When I looked in the mirror, however, I saw an older woman than I saw previously. I hadn’t been aware of all the wrinkles.
I’m still waiting to have the operation on my other eye. The cost of the first operation came to just under $10,000. All but $100 was taken care of by Medicare and Blue Cross.
After my second operation, I’ll probably need to wear glasses for reading, but isn’t that what most people need when they reach the golden years?
Little Brothers & Casa Juan Diego Make Christmas Cheer Ageless
by Kelly Matlock, freelance writer
Amidst the white powdery snow and yellow, red and green flashing Christmas lights strung from neighborhood homes, a small boy with a backpack trudges through the snow and runs excitedly through a large blue door.
The door, located at 2020 S. Blue Island Avenue in Pilsen, awaits the arrival of many Mexican-American children ages 6-12, as well as men and women 70 years and older of all races, some of who the children have met before. This night would not be out of the ordinary for many of the kids that attend the Casa Juan Diego Youth Center, affiliated with the St. Pious V church, almost every day after school from for extracurricular and cultural activities. Yet tonight, their visitors will make it special.
On this night, volunteers, staff and elders from Little Brothers-Friends of the Elderly come to visit the kids at the Casa. Little Brothers, an organization that helps emotionally support those growing old alone in Chicago, brings elders to spend time with the kids and share their stories and lives. The elders from Little Brothers know that they can learn as much from the kids as the kids can learn from them, like perhaps what is in style or what new games kids play these days. If nothing else, it is a great opportunity to smile and laugh in the company of others during the holiday season, and a way to break the generation barrier that often divides the young and the old.
“It was a good surprise (to visit the Casa), I enjoy the kids,” said one elder, Isidro Rosado. “They make me feel good and I think they enjoy my personality,” he explains.
Bob Zimmerman, another elder at Little Brothers, said he was amazed at how happy and intelligent the kids were. “They were bright and smiling, very warm and friendly. I was quite impressed…They all came from poor families but their clothes were clean and pressed. Most came from bilingual homes or homes where they speak only Spanish, yet their English was perfect,” he said. “One little boy in particular took a liking to me, and when he introduced me to his mom, I realized he had no dad.” Bob and the other elders appreciated the joy and positive energy that the kids exuded, considering that so many of them have difficult home lives.
... it is a great opportunity to smile and laugh in the company of others during the holiday season, and a way to break the generation barrier that often divides the young and the old.
In the spirit of Christmas, a festive project has been planned for the kids and elders on this evening at Casa Juan Diego. But first, the after-school program leader, Katie, asks the kids who their guests are, and what they are there for. Some of the kids remember their old friends from visiting them at a Little Brothers summer retreat in a farm house in Rochelle, Illinois, the year previous. Samantha, age 9, Libet, age 10, and David, age 11, regular students in attendance at the youth center, wonder why their old friend Maria is not there. While one of the Little Brothers staff members explains that Maria is at a doctor appointment and couldn’t make it, the kids reminisce about the time they spent with her and the other elders at Rochelle during the summer.
“(We played) tic-tac-toe…bean bags….and, what are those things called?” Libet asks as she makes throwing motions.
“Water balloons,” a Little Brothers staff member reminds her.
“Oh yeah!” Libet says. “Those!”
Samantha, Libet and David pass around a card for each other to sign that they have created for Maria. After they have colored, folded and signed their unique design, it is ready to send to their old friend. Christine Bertrand, Director of the Intergenerational Program at Little Brothers, takes the card and tells the kids she’ll send it to Maria and have her write them a letter in return. As intergeneration program Director, Bertrand is in charge of all of the Little Brothers events that bring the elders together with youth. Other past intergenerational events she has planned and coordinated include elementary school students meeting with elders at the Little Brothers center to write poetry, and high school students doing history projects in collaboration with their Little Brothers’ old friends.
“For me, my goals (for the intergenerational program) are a few,” Bertrand explains. “To make sure to break stereotypes from the kids’ side, as well as the elders’ side, and to show them that they have a variety of point in common. Also I want to built and develop trust between generations, enrich each groups with authentic activities, and improve mutual understanding.”
At the Casa Juan Diego, before everyone is told of the art project they will be doing, the kids sit in a circle of chairs with the elders and must introduce themselves. Each person says his or her name, age, grade, and favorite food. Nachos and pizza are the majority favorite foods of the kids by a landslide, and 81 year old Isidro tells the kids how to make his favorite dishes. Ms. Bertrand makes all of the kids cringe when she announces her favorite food from France is frog legs. A chorus of “ewww”s bounces off the walls as the introduction game concludes as Katie, the program leader, reminds the kids to be careful on the floors since they are wet from all of the snowy boots and shoes.
“The youth center acts as a liaison between the schools and the parents,” says Dana, a Theology major at Wheaton College who is an intern at St. Pious and helping out at Casa Juan Diego’s after school program. “It is kind of a cultural interpreter, since many of the parents don’t know English or don’t have a good understanding of (American) culture yet.” Dana finds that the youth center brings anyone who enters it joy, since the kids are part of such a hopeful culture, in which many holidays are celebrated and fiestas are thrown often.
Food is served before the project is explained, and three or four kids sit at a table with one elder from Little Brothers. The kids are told to ask their old friend lots of questions, because they will have to talk about what they learned later. Sopa Posole is served, a brothy, reddish-orange Mexican soup with corn and chicken, and is served with tortilla soups and orange juice. The kids and elders begin to talk over the meal, gabbing about everything from what Santa Claus is bringing to recent sports scores. The elders explain where they came from, who they are. Some show photographs. The kids talk about their families and friends, what’s going on at school and church.
After the meal, the kids learn that they will be making Christmas ornaments with their old friends. There is a quick demonstration on how to color the paper wreath, cut it, write on it and then put a string through it to make it an ornament.
“It’s not for you,” the kids are reminded by their leaders. “It is a gift to give to someone in need, or someone who may be sad and alone at Christmas,” they are told.
The art supplies are handed out and everyone begins making their own masterpieces. The kids watch their old friends draw and color, and try to emulate their expertise. The elders watch the children and find awe in their wild imaginations and creativity.
Volunteer Julia Brudlos-Nussbaum’s vision of disability and humanity are altered by her experiences with an 81-year-old “Rocket Man.”
